Self, Shame, and Sevens

Hello, I’m Emilie and I’m an ENFP high i blue enneagram 7. I am a champion and a woo, a Jean Ralfio and a Phoebe, and I recently found out I am broccoli. (In case you were wondering, like broccoli, I am misunderstood and under-appreciated but full of fiber and I don’t care who knows it!)
I am also whatever personality adores personality tests.

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If you don’t love me at my “I’m obsessed with personality tests” then you don’t deserve me at my… actually, that’s pretty much the only version of me available.

I have friends who claim they “don’t fit into a category” when it comes to these personality tests. I claim quite the opposite. These tests are perfectly formed to my very essence.

In fact, I wish the whole world introduced themselves in this way so I could know what I was getting into right off the bat:
You’re a blue 2 who’s high i? Come here and give me a hug you sweet soul, you.
Oh you’re an orange 8 high d? I’ll see myself out, preferably before I get an anxiety attack over things you think are totally trivial and fine.

(Quick lesson for those of you less completely obsessed: high i is based off the DISC test, ENFP is based off Myers Briggs, and the color is based off some color test I took in college. I actually have no information on that one.)

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It’ll pass eventually. I’m a 7.

Have you taken it? Take it now. TAKE IT NOW. Click here and take it. Or Google it. I don’t care. We’ll reconvene here in seven minutes.

Okay, so glad you came back. That was risky, telling a reader to leave in the middle of a so-far-meaningless blog post.
But it was SO GREAT, right?
Right.
Mostly.

Like I said, I’m a seven. I see life as an adventure; I look for the positive spin; I actively seek joy and fun and satisfaction. I’m a “cup half full” and a “let’s be friends.” But with all the affirmation these personality tests give, I’ve also felt shame creeping in.

I’m getting married to a boy this fall (ANOTHER STORY FOR ANOTHER TIME BUT WHAT, I KNOW, IT’S CRAZY) and the other night, he asked me some questions about the future. They were pretty valid questions for the person who will be sharing that future with me – questions like: Where do I see myself in two years? What would I do if I was to lose my job? What would we do if he lost his job?

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He did not get swayed with my, “In two years, I see myself sleeping in, going to yoga, drinking mimosas and happily living off of your riches,” joke (lol definitely not a joke but whatever we can all pretend for now.) And after defecting my hilarious defense mechanism and insisting on real conversation, I got angry.
Why are we talking about non-pleasant things? There’s no reason to be talking about anything but our happiness right now. Life is an adventure so why are we planning?!

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Sidenote: I got Jean Ralfio on the “Which Parks and Rec Character Are You” personality test and I am STILL BITTER about it because I am clearly a Leslie. Or literally anyone else. Obviously. Right? Please.

Sevens can be nuts.

One test result (yes, I took the test multiple times – you can’t be too sure) was written by a man who very clearly was hurt very badly by a seven at some point in time and referred to us as prone to being domineering and controlling and spastic. We 7s want someone who, “can mirror their own high self-image,” and tend to be people who, “make nice or make fun of.” Uh, rude.
And that wasn’t the end of it.

Those comments were hurtful and terrible… but also have an element of truth to them. Like, a very real element of truth. Like, perhaps more than an element.

This test has laid out all of my favorite qualities and all of my terrible ones right there on a shining silver platter for all the world to see.

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it’s fine it’s fine

As a human, I will always have plenty of unflattering qualities and terrible ugliness for people to dig up and pick apart. I can hide it with sweet small talk and quick wit, but I will always have real brokenness inside me making itself known in my thoughts and conversations forever and ever amen.

But I also have a Jesus. I have a Jesus who saved me, who stepped in front of me with His blinding perfection when God couldn’t help but see my warped and ugly brokenness. I am hidden in Christ and I am being made whole and clean and beautiful. I have a Spirit inside me who is moving and active and allows me to not, “make nice or make fun of,” but hopefully just love people for real and leave it that way.

If you were ever taught that Christianity is a faith of shame, I am so sorry. I’m sorry because it is quite the opposite. It’s a faith of  freedom. Jesus is not looking to condemn you, but to save you. He knows you. He knows who He created you to be and He knows how the world has warped that. But you don’t have to cower in shame. And you’re definitely not a lost cause. Jesus in the business of restoring and redeeming. Through Jesus, there is freedom to finally be the 7 I was created to be – the 7 who looks at life as an adventure, an opportunity to find joy, a great platform for community.

I was at a worship conference a couple weekends ago. While everyone around me had arms raised in praise or hands folded in reverence, I found myself braiding my hair. Braiding my hair, swaying to the music, and singing along with a grin on my face.
I’ve done the hands raised, twirling, large expressive worship and I will do that again.
But in that moment, that was my freedom.
Braiding my hair. Being myself. Connecting with my Jesus. I felt more myself than I had in a long time.

There is no shame in Jesus Christ, sweet friends. There is freedom.

Oh and 7s are the superior personality type, don’t @ me.

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2 thoughts on “Self, Shame, and Sevens

  1. Karen says:

    😊 Thankful ‘perfection’ is not a fruit of the Spirit…even tho, like Paul, I do the very thing I don’t want to do. Sometimes the grace we need to give is to ourselves…then transformation just might blossom.

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